I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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