sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
