New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
