so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
