do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
