she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
