He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
