tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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