You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
