I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
