You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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