your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
