he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can I color on your dick again?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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