It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
