I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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