You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
