i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize