I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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