I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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