The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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