I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
