so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
