dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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