As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
