2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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