The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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