i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
