Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
