what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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