I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
