i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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