what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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