Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
