worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
