There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
