my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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