If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
