I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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