my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i dont even know how to be here
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
