I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
