Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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