I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
