Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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