I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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