is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize