Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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