you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
