Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
