...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
