forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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