Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
