Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you win again, gameday.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
