yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
