I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
