just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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