Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
