Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
