My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
