Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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