Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
