I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
