i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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