Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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