i just wanna soil my oats bro
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
