Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
