You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That accounts for only three of the penises
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
