Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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