im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
