I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
