..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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