he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
