My underwear smells like fireworks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
